did you get engaged???
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
