Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
