You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
