garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
