I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
