ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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