Apparently you make a good broom.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize