Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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