why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
