I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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