At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We had to coat check the pizza.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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