yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
