apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
