There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Randomize
