There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
That's how pantless uber rides happen
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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