I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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