he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
