need another drink. this is the easiest way
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
