Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I stole a fireplace last night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
