The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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