Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
