He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
