The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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