babies were throwing up all over the place
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
