I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
