I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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