I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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