i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
