dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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