I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
