Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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