I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
