I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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