he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
