Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
