Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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