I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
