With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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