woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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