dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
