i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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