Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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