He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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