Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
