So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
