We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Randomize
