DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my being single is dangerous.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
