its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
