he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
