is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
