two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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