im drinking this country out of the recession.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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