I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
