Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
