Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
