I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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