I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
