I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I need moral support for this bender
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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