hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
