you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
