So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize