Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
