theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
